Has it been that long already? 5 years since you left daddy. How’s everything with you in Heaven?
So many things happened for the past 5 years daddy. I moved out of town. Flew to an unknown city and for the first time ever, I felt so far away from home. I know you would’ve been proud of me. You would have sent me off at the airport with mum, Siang and Ni, reminding me to take good care of myself. Perhaps, you would’ve attended my graduation ceremony as well. Or be in the family portrait we took at the studio in uni. Maybe you would’ve walked up to me after the ceremony, held me close and congratulated me.
Or maybe during the worst breakup I’ve ever had, your heart would’ve ached when you heard me cry over the phone. You would’ve held your tears and tell me it’s okay, just like mum did. Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so bad then.
Or maybe you would’ve been at Siang’s excellent drama performances. You would be impressed at how good an actor your son is. His real tears on stage. I think you would be even prouder that he’s picked up your hobbies – planting and rearing fishes. Maybe you would’ve teased him for dating girls too! Or maybe, when he is too much for mum to handle alone, you would’ve been there to play the strict father role – put some senses into him and teach him how to be a man.
Or maybe you would’ve given Nini more memories of you being her father. You would help her with her homework. Tell her silly jokes like you did when we were young. Or give her so much fatherly love like you always do.
Or maybe you would’ve taken good care of mum when she is sick. You would’ve hugged and kissed her when she’s having a bad day. Cry with her when grandma passed away. Stand up for her when the kids are being disobedient. You would take her out shopping just to pamper her a little.
And so many has happened while you weren’t here. Often I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be great if dad were here? How would things be then? Would it be different? But you know what? I knew you were there all the while. I knew. We might not be able to see you, but you were there, through the good and bad. You were there when I went for my first job interview. You were there when mum secretly cried when she thought about you. You were there when Siang won the best actor award. And you were there when Nini was upset because her brother never stops bullying her. You were there all awhile.
You constantly live in our memories. In our daily lives. Because who would we be without you dad? There is a lump in my throat now because I can’t begin to tell you how much I truly love you. If you see me cry, you’ll say I’m silly, but it’s true. We all love you and miss you so much… And we pray that you’re happy in Heaven. We pray that you will be the guardian angel of our family, guiding us always, just as you always do.
Thank you dad…