I’m Spent

Today is one of those days where I feel completely exhausted, drained out, sucked dry and utterly under-appreciated.

I want to scream. I want to cry. But I can’t; the tears won’t flow. And the angst in me doesn’t subside.

A big hug may do wonders to my tired soul right now. But it’s been a while since I’ve been held for that extra assurance.

Deep breath, Jess. A mother is strong.

I have been. I think. I’ve tried hard. Up until now. I just want to curl up in bed and let the tears flow now. In silence.

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Only 1.5 More Months to Go?!

SERIOUSLY?! Where has the time gone?

But honestly, at this stage now, I kinda can’t wait to pop my second baby out now, lol! Things are really starting to get a little tougher these days. I tend to wake up at 4am for a pee and then have difficulty falling back to sleep for an hour or so almost every night. 😵

And I’m so sick of having to lie down on my left side to sleep now. Most of the time, I just go, “AHHHH, I don’t give a sh*t anymore. Imma just lie down on my right for five minutes!!!” Then end up falling asleep for wayyyy longer than that, hahahahaha! I’m sorry 小 bump no. 2!!! 😢

I just need to work for another four more weeks then I’m off again! Wheeeeee!!!!! Mum and sis will be here end of next month to visit and help out again! Can’t wait for them to be back!! The house is definitely merrier with them around, hehehehehehe… Plus I love it when Naomi spends time with popo and yiyi. It’s so heartwarming to see how much they love her 😍😘

🎵 Can’t wait to see you againnnnnnnn…… 🎶

Definitely wearing that romper way too much hahahaha!! It was gifted to me by my sister and they’re super duper comfy!

Note to self: About time I fix the misaligned photo in the photo frame! 😝

Another one with the cheeky girl!

She’s been learning soooo much these days — especially from daycare. And I’m so pleased for her that she’s finally settled down in daycare now. The carers praised her for adapting and doing so well!  I’m more relieved now as I know that she’s being cared for, her needs taken care of when I’m at work (earning more money 💵 to buy her formula 🍼, hahahahahahaha) and that she’s happy and thriving. 🙂

She’s finally learned how to walk after she started daycare. Perhaps she wanted to catch up with the other kids who are already walking hahahaha! And now she’s learning to talk!! Man, when she says ‘nose’, it’s with an Aussie accent!! 🙄

It’s such a bittersweet feeling to watch her grow and witness her every milestone and progress. As a parent, you’re happy that your child is growing to be healthy and happy. But at the same time, you feel like with their new gained confidence and independence, they’ll depend on you less and less. 😢

Last but not least, a selfie to end the post (as usual, HAHA!) *Snicker* So sorry to do this but this filter does make me look so much more refreshed than I really am in real life. In real life, I just look like a tired, old hag because I really AM tired almost ALL the time. 😴

Quick question for you guys!! I’m thinking of cutting my hair to a lob again some time before baby is due. The longer hair will keep me warm in winter though! BUT BUT BUT, with the confinement thingy going on, I won’t be able to wash my hair for quite a while so I can foresee that it’s gonna be quite gross!! 😱😰

What do you think? Lob or no lob? 🤔

Emo Much?

Oh hello!! It’s almost May already! Since when?!

I’m feeling quite good tonight… ‘cos I get to sit down and have some quiet “me-time”. It’s been a while since I last played some songs on my iTunes. The only songs I listen to when I’m in the car nowadays are Beethoven’s classical songs for babies, lol!!

This feels kinda weird but I’m feeling slightly emotional tonight. SO MUCH has happened in the last few months and although I’m sort of into a routine now, I still feel overwhelmed every now and then. Some days seem really long. And some, I just breeze through them like a champ!

I don’t know how to say this. There’s so much I wish to share. But my mind is blank when it comes to writing them down.

I guess the point of this post tonight is to acknowledge my very own presence. I feel like I’ve disappeared for quite a bit while the responsible Jess takes over my body and do what I have to do every day. Right now, before the baby cries for me, I am the carefree, careless Jess.

And before this post turns even more emotional, let’s not go there and let me share a happy photo with y’all! 😀

Caversham with Naomi

Taken last month at Caversham Wildlife Park with my baby 💋

Goodbyes…

…are never easy. 😥

Mum and sis headed back home to Miri early this morning after spending three whole months in Perth here with us. I guess I didn’t mentally prepare myself enough for this day because it just felt so sh*tty after they left – leaving me with a void in my heart.

Spending the last three months together every single day was simply bliss. And I guess the happier you are together, the sadder you are when you’re apart. But, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We’ve had one of the BEST times together this time around, I’d say. Despite the stupid argument that we had, Ma (I’m sorry!).

And I just feel so, so, so lucky and blessed to have you guys as my family. This is what love is all about. I experience it everyday with you guys around and I see it in your eyes when you look at Naomi too. Nini, you are like a second mum to Naomi and I hope that this will never change. 🙂 (Well, you are her Godmother after all, hahaha!)

Missing you guys badly! Take care! Until we meet again… X

Goodbye 2015

It’s that time of the year again! Bidding the last day of the year goodbye and welcoming a new year at the stroke of midnight. And what a mighty fine year it has been for me, haha!

First of all, I was dedicated to a fitness regime myself earlier this year due to myself letting go after the wedding last year haha! It was more than wanting to look great, as I wanted to train my will and determination. I’m glad that I kept to it until I could no longer partake in any intensive exercise routines anymore when I found out I was pregnant.

I also took part in my very first cycling event in March this year with Mr S and a couple of friends. It wasn’t easy for me cos the rest of the team has much better stamina than I do lol!! I always came last during our training sesh lol!! Anyway, I was so glad to have completed the whole event that day. Mr S actually slowed down for me and rode alongside with me until I finished the course. ❤

As you probably would know already, we initially planned a trip to Europe this year. And then we found out I was pregnant (on April Fools’ day!!!). I stubbornly insisted that we should go still, despite Mr S seriously being concerned of my wellbeing physically and our wellbeing financially lol! But in the end, the trip was cancelled anyway despite us changing the dates to an earlier date due to some unforeseen circumstances. I’m sure there’s a good reason why the whole Europe trip this year didn’t work out and I won’t question about it. 🙂

Lucky us though, despite not being able to make it to Europe, we managed to visit Bali for the very first time for our babymoon hahaha!!! I know right, I can’t believe I haven’t been to Bali before too considering it’s only a few hours’ flight from Perth to Bali? We had a great time there, although we stayed in Ubud for our entire trip. But our main goal was to have a short and relaxing trip anyway.

Besides Bali, we also got to visit our nephew for the very first time in Melbourne!! It was a special time for us having spent it with Mr S’ brother’s family. We were both showered with so much love and attention throughout our stay. And having bonded with the little one made saying goodbye so much harder. Fingers crossed we will meet again in 2016!

Needless to say, the most important event of the year is clearly giving birth to Naomi and becoming a mother myself, lol!! I must congratulate Mr S on becoming a father too, hahahahaha! I must admit, the days after I found out I was pregnant zoomed past just like that. It’s hard to believe it’s the end of the year again because I feel like we just had our wedding dinner back in Miri like a couple of months ago. But no, it’s already been a year, it’s crazy! o_O

Parenthood is so new to me and to Mr S. And we have so, so, so, so much to learn still (the past few weeks have been a roller coaster ride lol!) But I think it will be the most rewarding thing we will ever have in our lives and I really cannot thank God enough for that.

I am so, so lucky and blessed to have wrapped up year 2015 so perfectly with the company of my loved ones (my mum, brother and sister are with me in Perth!!!) with me and with precious Naomi in our arms.

Goodbye 2015! Hello 2016! I welcome you and the new challenges you have for me!! Help make me a wiser and more confident woman, a gentler and more loving wife, and a strong and nurturing mother.

Counting My Blessings

It’s close to five months into year 2015 now, and it has treated me well so far. God never stopped showering me with His abundant blessings, and I’m so grateful for that!

I had a slight mishap last week when I dropped in my car for a service. The repairman actually reversed my car back into a bollard. -.- Naturally, I felt slightly upset because the car was new and I have been so careful with the car I haven’t done any damage to it myself. But when I come to think of it, I don’t think my day was half as bad as the repairman who did the damage. He must have had an even shittier day than I did. Heck, he might get into trouble with the management I’d say. At least I was loaned a car to use for free until my car is fixed so it wasn’t that bad for me.

The thing is, life had been so smooth sailing for me in the months prior to this little incident. This was probably a gentle reminder that each day of our lives may not necessarily be a good day. But you can make the best of it by focusing on the positive aspects of things.

I guess what I meant to say was this – in life, you’re meant to have several episodes of hiccups for you to appreciate the non-hiccup days even more.

The Big Three-O

30Yours truly turns thirty today!!

Looking back at the last thirty years of my life, I am so happy and contented to be where I am right now; to be surrounded by people who love and care for me – near and far. I have a loving husband (so blessed to be married to my soul-mate) and family, a small but close circle of friends (it’s a shame we don’t all live in the same city though), a home to come home to, a secure job, and not forgetting, a pet dog who probably loves me more than he loves himself. I feel like God has given me so much when I haven’t done much to deserve all this. His grace is always overflowing and I cannot thank Him enough.

Therefore this year, I’d like to make some changes in my life, starting from baby steps. I’d like to contribute more towards others this year – making use of the skills I’ve acquired throughout the years and the talents I’ve been gifted with. The joy of giving is so much more than the joy of receiving!

I pray that now that I’m a year older, I will be wiser intellectually, richer spiritually, healthier physically, and calmer mentally. I pray that I will be kind and gentle – in my words, actions and thoughts. And I also pray that I will continue to be inquisitive in learning and exploring new things. Amen.

Happy birthday Jess!

Bidding 2014 Farewell

Today being the last day of Year 2014, it’s only fair that I write a short blog post about the past year.

March 2014 – Marks the last year of me in my twenties. The Big Three-O is only two months and 2 days away. Time certainly flies!

April/May 2014 – Finally bought my very own first car! Upgraded from my trusty ol’ Jazz, which mum gifted me as a graduation present, to an Odyssey. People tend to think that I’m prepping myself for 5 children in the future.

September 2014 – The biggest event in my life this year is that Mr S and I finally tied the knot after going out for close to seven years! XD What can I say? It feels amazing to be married when you’ve married the right person. ^^’

December 2014 – Spent Christmas back home with my family. ❤ Also had our second wedding reception for our families and friends back home in Miri.

Mr & Mrs S

Year 2014 was definitely smashing for us and we are so grateful and contented!

However, we mustn’t forget about those who have lost their lives/loved ones in the tragic incidents that occurred during the year. To those who haven’t had a good year in 2014, soldier on and face the new year with courageous and fearless hearts.

I’m welcoming Year 2015 with my open arms and I’m excited to see what it has in store for us. 😉

The Last Straw

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22)

It’s been an extremely long and tiring week for me. Hearing what you said was the last straw for me… Please don’t judge my actions based on what you think you know of me. I have logical reasons behind my actions, which you may not know of, so why judge when you don’t know?

God… I pray that I have a heart big enough to forgive and to love. And I pray that you will speak good of your brothers and sisters, rather than evil.

For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person brings good things out of a good treasure, and the evil person brings evil things out of an evil treasure. (Matthew 12:34-35)

How About a Vain Post?

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Hehehe… I recently took a photo with Mr S (which I LOVE dearly) at his ex-colleague’s wedding. It’s my current phone wallpaper because I love it that much haha! Taken with my iPhone’s front camera so there was no need for photoshop! Hahahahaha!!! Just added a filter and then it was perfecto!

Mr S & I.jpg

Me.jpg

Also joined gym about a week ago? 好像有瘦了点哦!(Self comfort, sigh~)

I really need to get back on track with my wedding planning. Haven’t been doing anything with our wedding prep since before we left for Taiwan!! *Panics* Still quite a lot of things to check off the list and I’ve just been spending time watching drama every night T_T. Well, I do try to visit the gym every other night, if not every night. I just don’t know how long I’ll keep up with it, eek!! I need to keep reminding myself that I gotta 积极减肥/瘦身!!

Also, I really dislike the state of my hair now 😦 It’s thick and heavy and straw-like at the ends. My hair color from my last dye job also came off so I have half a head of ugly brass hair right now. I really wanna do something about it but I don’t wanna spend money on it just yet -_-. Guess I’ll just wait till nearer to the wedding date to figure out what I wanna do with it.

So sorry this blog is rather dead these days. It still beats me how I managed to blog so much back then during my uni years, haha! The constant snapping of photos of the little details of my life back then, the writing of some rather useless rants of my daily life, and the documenting of some of my most inner feelings back then.

Honestly, it’s so hard for me to blog about my life these days. It feels like I’m putting myself out there, willingly allowing others to scrutinize all the nitty-gritty details of my life. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing – being able to publicly blog about your life. There are so many inspirational and enriching bloggers out there who are able to reach out to so many others through their blogs. I just don’t feel that it applies to me. I’m always seeking for assurance and acknowledgement from others. Perhaps I have a low self-esteem that I should take good care of. I need people who will empower me and make me a stronger and better person! I don’t need those who tell me I’m not good enough, those who put me down, those who secretly wish for my downfall.

I hope I will become a much stronger person in 2014. Be less vulnerable, Jess. Put your feet down and take no shit from others!

Anyhoo, I’m signing off now. Sorry for the short update and the random melancholy bullcrap towards the end. Hope it was “short & sweet” for you readers though 😛

Goodnight!